iPad: Giraffe-Friendly?!

Apple announced their new iPad today and the question on everyone’s mind is:

Will this make the world more or less safe from giraffe attacks?

The answer, I’m afraid, is less. Much less.

Game-changing gadget or WMD for the giraffes? Sadly, both.

You see, with the iPhone and iPod Touch, both screen interfaces are too small for giraffes to work with their hooves. To put it simply, we’ve been safe from giraffe cyber attacks, UNTIL NOW!!!!

The larger screen provides perfect accessibility for a hooved creature. It’s as if the gadget was designed SPECIFICALLY FOR GIRAFFES.

Steve's no idiot, when the apocalypse comes, the odds favor the giraffes. This kind of knowledge was probably key in the iPad design.

Just don't say I didn't warn you when we're all running OSXI: Giraffe

The biggest blow came later in the demo when Steve showed the new functions of the iWork suite by wrapping text around….you guessed it… A GIRAFFE’S NECK!

Now we know who's really pulling the strings at Apple...

Astonishing, absolutely astonishing. The giraffe apocalypse is sooner than we think, and Apple has already chosen their side. What side will YOU choose?


6 Responses to “iPad: Giraffe-Friendly?!”

  1. Fascinating. Would you consider being the technical writer for mama’s site?

  2. concerned citizen Says:

    Thank you for giving this troubling development the attention it deserves! Sleep with one eye open! Although, to be fair, dolphins sleep with one eye open and I’ve never completely trusted them, either.

  3. I’m quite flattered by the offer, mama, you are a true foe of the giraffe! But unfortunately my time is completely monopolized holding back the giraffe attack. Be vigilant! Only in numbers can we defeat the long-necked hell-spawns!

    As for you, concerned citizen, you bring up an excellent point about the dolphin comment. have you ever considered that they could be working in CAHOOTS WITH THE GIRAFFES!??! If this is true, there is a far greater danger than I have foreseen. When the iPad 2.0 comes with a blowhole, then we shall know for sure…

  4. It has come to my attention that Steve Jobs was actually a descendent of the long necked ones. By making easy-to-use interfaces, which were deceptively intended for humans at first, the iPad now shows Jobs true hoofed form. People think that the ability to multitask was left out due to an underpowered CPU, this is not the case! It has been proven that giraffes can only interface with one application at a time. With hugely inflated retail costs, Apple has been amassing a war chest of funding and technology for years. Thusly, we can derive from this info that Steve Jobs and Apple is funding the coming Giraffe apocalypse. What can men do in such a face of evil? We can stand up to the giraffes! Prove to them that they are not so tall! Brothers and sisters, I ask you to stand with me tonight, we face a brave enemy and our numbers our few. If we must die in this battle, we must not die in vain, but in our final moments we shall show no mercy to those longnecks that choose to oppress us!

  5. The screen in ipods and ipads are operated by heat on your fingers. and hooves dont produce any heat so… er.. fuck you

    go die!

    Giraffe Lover

  6. video download…

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