Archive for Giraffe Apocalypse

iPad: Giraffe-Friendly?!

Posted in Giraffe Tech! with tags , , , , , , on January 28, 2010 by Killer Giraffe

Apple announced their new iPad today and the question on everyone’s mind is:

Will this make the world more or less safe from giraffe attacks?

The answer, I’m afraid, is less. Much less.

Game-changing gadget or WMD for the giraffes? Sadly, both.

You see, with the iPhone and iPod Touch, both screen interfaces are too small for giraffes to work with their hooves. To put it simply, we’ve been safe from giraffe cyber attacks, UNTIL NOW!!!!

The larger screen provides perfect accessibility for a hooved creature. It’s as if the gadget was designed SPECIFICALLY FOR GIRAFFES.

Steve's no idiot, when the apocalypse comes, the odds favor the giraffes. This kind of knowledge was probably key in the iPad design.

Just don't say I didn't warn you when we're all running OSXI: Giraffe

The biggest blow came later in the demo when Steve showed the new functions of the iWork suite by wrapping text around….you guessed it… A GIRAFFE’S NECK!

Now we know who's really pulling the strings at Apple...

Astonishing, absolutely astonishing. The giraffe apocalypse is sooner than we think, and Apple has already chosen their side. What side will YOU choose?


Giraffe Apocalypse: The Mayans Warned Us!!!!!

Posted in Giraffes in Movies! with tags , , , , on January 26, 2010 by Killer Giraffe

Watching Roland Emmerich’s 2012 I caught this:

If they wanted to save humanity, this was the first mistake.

So humanity is on the verge of complete extinction, and they’re bringing EVIL DEADLY CREATURES on board with the last surviving remnants of the human species. Maybe the real catastrophe the Mayans warned about was still to come?

These vile behemoths show up several times throughout the climax of the film, leaving the viewer to wonder whether Roland knows more than he lets on about the ultimate fate of our species:

These beasts wont stay caged for long! Good thing they've got an ark full of food (read: PEOPLE!) to sustain them on their journey.

Notice who's in the cage now? The giraffes look down on their prey. Soon it shall be their time again.